"Grandma's Garden"
The full circle quilt
On October 23rd I called my grandma, like I did every Thursday. Instead of her cheerful routine, “Well hi Chels. Happy Thursday to you too!” response, I was met with my moms voice. Mom informed me that grandma was sleeping and, “really wasn’t doing too well.” Her body was continuing to decline and this time much more rapidly. I asked her if I needed to come home, our code for gauging the time we had left with grandma, but assuring that it would be ok if I continued on my trip— It was time for my annual Bi-coastal Bestie adventure, our first international trip in the series. Vancouver, Canada! While chatting with mom in more detail, Grandma woke up and I was able to speak with her briefly. Her once soft spoken but clear words were jumbled, difficult to understand, like someone who had not fully woken. The only sentence that I clearly understood was her response to my, “I will be coming to visit you soon,” comment. “Oh that’ll be good, I can’t wait.”
The next day was a Canada whirlwind full of bestie fun, although my worry and checking in with my mom about grandma was constant. Late that night I looked up flight options for the next day, just in case.
The next morning, October 25th I called my mom and it became clear that the flight I looked at just hours ago would be purchased and used later that day. Getting me home that afternoon.
Grandma’s status on hospice had advanced to imminent hospice. The nurses gave her moments, days, to a week left with us. I took the week off of work to be with my family and assist my mom– who had been expertly caring for grandma (her mom) for three wonderful years– in grandma’s end of life care.
Once I made the plans to stay the week I knew I needed some things from home in Redmond. Although my new thrifted sequined body suit was adorable and grandma certainly would’ve gotten a kick out of it, it just didn’t seem like the most appropriate option to pair with rubber gloves and PJ shorts, I created a list for my wife to gather. It included the following…
comfy clothes (dealers choice–she nailed it of course)
Miss Millie Marie (my OG emotional support cat)
Sewing things (This was important and by far the most detailed portion of the list and even required a facetime call to make sure everything was gathered correctly. It was of course, because Stacey is the best!)
Stacey kindly collected it all and met my wonderful dad halfway for an exchange of goods, both of them knowing I couldn’t bear to be away from my mom and grandma for long.
When the carload of goodies arrived I loved on my kitty, put on some comfies, took a deep breath and got to work.
As you may recall in my previous Kaleidoscope post, when I was at a loss of what to create during my grandma’s cardiac event that brought her to my parents as a permanent roommate, but this time I didn’t hesitate, seeking the comfort I found three years ago in those circles once more.
This time the fabric was all florals, a common pattern my grandma would use in her quilts years before, all still hand sewn and equally as comforting, serving as a tribute to the gift of 3 bonus years we got to have with grandma. I sewed those circles in between the turning assists, mouth swabs, forehead kisses and hand holding. Reassuring her it “will all be ok.” Knowing immediately those words were just as much for me as they were for her. The maroon fabric on the left and top of the quilt is fabric my grandma had leftover from a project she did over 40 years ago. The material served as tactile connection during the quilts creation and as a sentimental connection of her to me, and to the quilt.
In this tremendously difficult time, I will forever be grateful for the brief moments when we were blessed with lucidity, humor, and joy. Smiling at each other, whispering how lucky I was to have her, and “I love you’s” soft and faint in sound, but strong and clear in emotion. All the while processing my emotions via the skill she taught me herself.
Early on November 1st, my dear sweet beautiful grandma transitioned peacefully in her sleep, close to my mom, not far from my dad, myself and brother.
Now, it has been nearly two months since grandma was with us and the quilt is complete. The first quilt I’ve ever made that I won’t get to show her in person. Created by the skill I learned from her when I was only 6. A quilt full of circles, for a full circle moment, to honor the circle of life. Grandma was there moments after I was brought into the world and I was there with her the moments after she left.
I love you so so much grandma, I will see you soon and talk to you sooner!
“In modern English, the term Lifespan: comes from the word ‘spin’ and encapsulates this mythological concept of the thread of life and women's symbolic connection to it through textiles” (Nicole Nehrig, With Her Own Hands, Women Weaving Their Stories, 2025).
Thank you and stay scrappy, The Thredhead (Chelsea Sanford)
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Thanks for sharing, Chelsea.